My Life, My Future.....Your Future??

Okay okay, I was going to originally do just a short post about my life and the change I am hoping to happen on February third. Also how I am hoping, praying and praying that I will be able to play it forward to others! Well it turned into this...oh damn you universe for listening to me :P 

I hope hope hope people will read it! It is very general and I am NOT getting in deep with my life, or expressing anything Negative that is not me! And no I didn't go and find God....I found mother earth, a women I knew since I was a wee lad growing gigantic tomato plants in my front yard! Something to do with the red hair I am sure :P You guys are great! I am happy to have my own site again, where I can just post to the universe and not get back any negativity like I would get in forums!

I thought I would post something on an event that will take place on Feb 3^rd. I am as nervous as can be, I just have huge doubts but then I have really positive energy about it. I know people think, how can this young man be so happy to be found disabled by the government? I have been fighting myself these last two years of waiting, thinking I am not really disabled. This waiting period, and soon after I was diagnosed was a huge roller coaster for me. It gave me time to see what I had, and yes that I am! 

Here is just some random stuff floating around my mind that I just wanted to type up.

I have mentioned on here that I have psoriatic arthritis (PSA). I was diagnosed about 4 years ago I then discovered it is something I have lived with my whole life. PSA starts off as psoriasis and then 3% of those patient’s develop a rare disease called psoriatic arthritis, I am in that three percent. This condition is still very much unknown, when Enbrel came on the market the research seem to start again. It was discovered out of pure accident that Enbrel would help to fight PSA. People have linked PSA to that of rheumatoid arthritis, but I personally think it is much worse. It doesn’t just give the arthritic conditions that rheumatoid does it affects everything. The disease has affected everything on me from muscles to bones. The main problem with PSA is that the body sends white blood cells to areas it thinks is damaged when in fact they aren’t. Enbrel helps to stop the progression of PSA but not without its consequences. With the PSA the immune system is way over active, same goes with having psoriasis. Enbrel suppresses the immune system thus making the people whom take it like those of HIV patients with literally no immune system. This opens up a whole lot of windows for colds/flus/infections to float in.

 

I also suffer from PTSD from an incident where I lost a good friend. This I have been able to control but like anyone who knows, it can rear up anywhere! This is why a lot of PTSD sufferers simply hide, go into the woods or just disappear. It is better to be away from people, so these sufferers won’t hurt anyone in periods of high stress. It is a side effect of living through something so traumatic that it just scares a person’s brain. As well as open a whole host of emotions that others won’t understand.

Over the two years of waiting for this hearing I started to see that I am disabled. I can see now that I shouldn’t be working any longer, that the more stress I put on my body the worse I become. I know people who suffer from PSA who are twice my age that don’t have the issues that I am having. I need to slow down and take it easy in the future. I suppose if I must say it, I am a mental and physical wreck lol

When I am mental and physical wreck, I need to move my mind to something different. So I start to focus on my love and passions of horticulture and history. So I turn to horticulture and antiques to move my mind onto something different. I must not forget, that I have a great sensor of humor which helps me deal with society :)

 

On the third of February is my disability hearing so I am just a wreck because of this. I just know that my age is a huge factor on the ruling because people’s understanding is that anyone of my age cannot have a crippling disease. PSA is something that will only get worse as I get older; this is something that was hard for me to understand. Knowing that as I get older PSA will just increase as arthritis naturally sets in with age. On that day I am hoping that I am simply just approved. I do not want to be put on trial where I will be tortured over some genetic defect that I had no choice in. I do believe I have a good attorney, who was able to provide a ton of proof of my condition and how it has not gotten better but worse.

I have a feeling my future is laid out in the stars; I do see positive things in my future. Though I do have an ill feeling of doubt, but I am talking this as a normal feeling. I am just focusing in on the positive, what I will be able to accomplish if I am awarded.

My feelings are, and what I have read is that I will get a settlement on approval. What amount this is I have no idea, who may attempt to take this from me I have no idea. I just keep positive and think that if I get a settlement I will be able to use this to seed my future. With money comes opportunity, I am hoping that opportunity is for me to purchase the property in Salisbury Missouri that I seem so obsessed with. The money will allow me to hopefully gather enough cash to make an offer to buy the property from the bank. Then I will be able to start a project called “St. Luke’s Garden”

The project will take many moons to complete I am sure of but with the project I am hoping for great community support. Then with that I hope to find many volunteers to slowly build up the garden and restore the property. With the gardens will also bring the history of the church back into the view of the world! From the bit of research I did tells me it was African American church one of the few in the community. Searching also shows there may be a grave yard under the home this will add a great deal in both needed research and preservation of the graves if it turns out accurate. Hopefully with the research and history of the property this will allow me to create many informational plaques to place around the gardens. When all is complete, we can then focus on preserving the property for future generations but placing it on the proper preservation lists.

I am happy to report, that I have also found a few people whom are more than willing to join on board with us! This is great for me, because I need as much help as I can. Having PSA I have more bad days then good, it will be great to have people staying on the property who are able to help with the physical activities I cannot. I also know, I will be plenty busy researching history, material, ordering and documenting the progress!

PSS. Does anyone want to exchange a Toshiba Laptop for a macbook pro? I am sick of PC's I miss my mac :( This one I am using, was a Arron's rental that someone didn't pay for, it got locked, then they smashed the screen and dumped it. I grabbed it, removed the locks and add a new screen....well I swear windows is the cruse of this thing! :P